MANN VS FEMANN
by Arukuu-Chan
Summary: Strange changes are happening over in the BLU base in Well, and the REDs aren't liking it. When they soon realize that the new BLU mercenaries are in fact women and are just as advanced in skill like them, things get more serious and tougher than they ever did before. What's more is that both sides of the team soon become suspicious of the Administrator and her motives...
1. 1 - The Discovery

**ASDFGHJKL. FIRST TF2 FANFICTION I'M SO EXCITED.**

**Ahem. Anyway, I came up with this generic idea a few days ago and I had to write it. Sure, many people probably had this idea and probably used it and got flamed for it, but I believe this should be a rather interesting project.**

**Okay, I may have named the Canons (REDs) with their own little name or so as you can see in the chapter. Others have the name shown on the TF2 Wiki and such, so try to get over that fact as well.**

**Alright, I do not own TF2. It belongs to Valve and let's keep it that way because it's awesome. Enjoy!**

* * *

2Fort had been lifeless all afternoon. It was so silent you could hear the dust scatter itself over the ground and the occasional dove flap above your head. The REDs took it as a blessing from above and spent most of the day doing nothing. The intense card game between Soldier and Demo took place once again, Engineer was busy sitting out on the rooftops with his sentries and his dispensers - for good measure - and Pyro was even found cooking with Heavy munching through most of his food - raw and cooked.

Two REDs had other ideas for the day though.

A certain RED Spy and a particular RED Scout decided to go on their own secret field trip across to the BLU's base. It was too quiet these days and they were determined to find out why.

"I'm tellin' ya! Them BLUs are up to somethin' and I'm not liking it." RED Scout spat in disgust as he strolled through the tunnel underneath BLUs' base with a disgusted RED Spy wading his way through the putrid water behind him.

"You always think zey are up to something. It's in your nature, you were trained to think that way."

"But I feel it in ma bones, man! That means somethin' else!"

"Maybe ze start of rheumatism," RED Spy snorted, receiving an irritated look from his companion. "...but I agree. Something fishy is going on, and it's not just ze one down those shorts of yours."

RED Scout just looked around at him, slapping a fish in his left hand as he did so. "What? It's always handy to keep a fish on hand."

"So is a weapon."

"Have you seen me take down BLUs with this fish? I've made them run for miles with this thing."

"I'm not surprised...it smells as bad as this tunnel."

The two continued to wade their way through the tunnel and past the 'techy area' as Engineer dubbed it and approached the stairs of the BLU base. Walking towards them now made them seem so much bigger in size and quality than it ever did sprinting up them before. RED Scout and RED Spy looked at each other before grinning and nodding to each other, and soon, the Boston Bullet was speeding away as quickly as a bullet, and the French Flirt had disappeared into thin air.

The two REDs already knew every nook and cranny of the BLUs' base. They had constantly sneaked in and sneaked back out again right under their noses – most of the time. Engineer had already managed to get his hands on a map and drew Spy and Scout recommended routes to take for sneaking in, and routes to burst out in style in. So, the REDs were pretty sure they had future sieges of BLUs' intelligence in the bag.

_Along the corridor an' up the stairs, that's what Engie always says! _Scout smirked as he hummed this in his head, doing exactly what the RED Engineer always told them to do. He swiftly broke into a sprint as he rushed into the building which had the obvious sign of 'Intelligence' plastered in white text over a blue coloured sign. Scout had to find most of the BLUs down here. If they weren't one the outskirts of their fort, then they had to be located into the bowels of it. But the young man couldn't help but feel uneasy. It was silent, other than his sprints echoing into every corner of the fort. It was empty; no soul in sight apart from his own. Scout just didn't understand it.

Although, he didn't have time to think about it as his sprint was interrupted by a tug of his shirt, dragging him into the shadows, out of sight, out of mind.

"'Ey, what the hell's your probl-"

"_See-lonss!" _Spy hissed, slapping a hand over Scout's mouth as he continued to muffle in protest. He pointed with his knife down the corridor which contained the BLUs' secret weapon – their intelligence. Although, the RED Spy had little interest in that secret weapon, but rather so, some surprising looking members of the BLU Team.

The first one that had popped into RED Spy's view was a mysterious character, dowsed in a blue skirt suit with brass buttons reaching down to just above her knees. Her legs were covered with fishnet tights with short, black heels. Underneath her skirt suit, she wore a white shirt with a blue ribbon neatly tied and presented. RED Spy couldn't seem to make out any of this character's facial features, what with it being covered mostly by a blue mask and a dollop of black hair tied in a high ponytail. He couldn't see her doing much either, mostly just looking at papers on a desk whilst muttering and swearing in his own native language.

"Yo, Spy…I don' recognise her," Scout murmured through Spy's hand, eyeing the strange woman as she was distracted by the towering paperwork in front of her. "I didn' know she was a BLU."

"She _isn't. _She cannot be one." Spy hissed back to the boy, also eyeing the woman as well. He wasn't sure why this woman was in the BLUs' fort but he had a hunch that it was something to do with Blutarch Mann's raging war against his brother's company – Mann Co.

A moment went by too quickly because this potential BLU spy was no longer minding her French as she shouted at a younger girl with dark, brownish hair tied in a plait who laughed as she swung her bat around and played with a baseball she had in her left hand. The girl had the exact same headset as RED Scout did, and sported a blue t-shirt with two small sharp claws that acted as tags almost. Tight brown shorts covered most of the top half of her legs whilst the rest of her legs consisted of long white socks and brown trainers.

"Ha, what d'you think'f that one, Spy?" The girl grinned from ear to ear, still swinging her bat around as she continued to jump on the spot.

"I would prefer it if you kept that away from me," The 'Spy' muttered coldly, gathering up some papers.

RED Spy and RED Scout just watched these two before their very eyes, not being able to cook up their own explanation for what they were seeing.

RED Scout nudged his companion as their gender-swapped doubles 'argued' with one another and murmured, "We betta report this to the others!"

RED Spy stood silent for a moment, taking in his younger companion's words as just seemingly stared into space. Soon enough, he came back to reality and murmured back, "I agree. We should make haste. And quickly."

"Hey, girls! We gotta RED Spy creepin' around here!" A rough voice sounded, causing RED Spy's grip to tighten on RED Scout's mouth once again to keep him from making any panicked noises. After a few moments, he released his grip on him and signalled him to make a run for it before the Spy disappeared once again, leaving the RED Scout to make his own way out.

* * *

"Eugene, pass me that ol' wrench there, would ya?"

"Here ya go, mate."

"No, no, not that one! The other ol' wrench!"

"Eh? Both of 'em look the same to me, Dell."

The RED Engineer just groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head in annoyance. "And yet, you know ever' detail of your damn targets! Heh, guess that's why they say never let a Sniper do an Engineer's job."

The RED Sniper grumbled something under his breath as he handed over the 'right' wrench and folded his arms, glancing further out across the forts. "It's getting real boring these days," He spoke up louder as the clangs and bangs of his comrade's wrench smashed off yet another one of his contraptions. "No targets or nothing for me."

"You think you're the only one bored out of their noggin?" The RED Engineer looked up at the thoughtful Sniper and just chuckled. "I got no BLUs to test my contraptions on! It ain't no fun not havin' no one to shoot at."

"Well, at least that's somethin' we both agree on, mate."

The Engineer just chuckled again and was just about to repeat his clanging and banging all over again until uneasy feeling came from behind him. He slowly turned his head to find a gas mask straight in his face, and he jumped at the sight, knocking over his 'contraption' in the process. "Dagnabbit, what d'ya want?!"

"Medic says he wants us all down for a meeting. Something from Valentin and Des by the sounds of it." The Pyro replied, his tone and voice muffled by his awfully large and nightmarish formed gas mask.

"…ya wot, mate?" Sniper narrowed his eyes as he strained to hear what the pyromaniac had told them, but Engineer just stood up, dusting himself off and murmured to him about a meeting. The Sniper then just shrugged his shoulders and the two of them followed the RED Pyro down further into their fort.

As the three made their way down the stairs from the very top of the barracks, they just so happened to run into two other members, the RED Soldier and the RED Demoman himself, muttering to each other about an unnecessary meeting, especially at this time.

"You two wankas better stop complanin' before the doc hears ya," Sniper snickered, folding his arms as the three came face to face with Soldier and Demoman.

"Well, _you _better shut your trap before _I _shut it for you, maggot!" Soldier spat at him but Pyro quickly stepped in between the two, his muffled words managing to help calm the two mercenaries down.

"Right, lads! Move your tushies along before I'm the one to move it fo' ya!" Demo shouted rather loudly, the scent of reeking alcohol travelling to his comrades as he did so. He grabbed both the Soldier and the Sniper, and dragged them along further into the fort. Engineer and Pyro swiftly followed behind, not wanting to face the wrath of their Demoman.

* * *

"I'm tellin' ya! I'm not lyin' 'bout this!" The RED Scout waved his arms as he stood on the rather large desk, trying to convince every last one of his comrades about what he and RED Spy had seen.

"I can approve of what ze boy says." RED Spy nodded his head in agreement, arms folded as he calmly puffed on his cigarette. "We did indeed see BLU females in ze base."

"They had _boobs _guys! And girls have those things!"

RED Heavy just looked at Scout in an astounded manner, slowly blinking as he tried to come to terms with what his two fellow mercenaries were telling him. In fact, that was what most of the REDs were actually doing. Girls, boobs and the battlefield weren't exactly a good combination for these men.

"Now, now, everyone," RED Medic spoke loudly enough as he dragged Scout off the desk by his rather plain shirt. "Ve should not panic! Ve don't know for sure if these vomen are even working for zeh company."

"New mercenaries or not, Friedrich, they're women! Women I say!" Soldier's helmet wriggled around on his noggin as he slammed the table countless times at the very word 'women'.

"Soldier, soldier, we can handle zis." Spy interrupted, taking his cigarette out of his mouth and grinning at him. "What is the worst that can happen with some women, hm?"

The Engineer sat silent for a moment before his head suddenly bobbed up and he quickly glanced around him.

Heavy looked over to Engineer with a puzzled expression, soon enquiring, "Engineer, vhat is wrong?"

All of the REDs looked over to the Engineer with different expressions – some of fear, excitement, curiosity. Whenever their Engineer was worried, then usually it wasn't a good sign. As they waited in silence for what he was going to announce next, they could hear a sound…one of sapping and tapping. That was when they knew.

"…spy's sapping ma sentry."

* * *

**FIN. For now ;) **


	2. 2 - The War

**WHOO. I GOT THE SECOND CHAPTER UP XD Done pretty well in the last few days if I do say so myself xP**

**Okay, thank you to those who have favourited and followed this story and such. However, I would love one or two reviews! It doesn't have to be very long and I would like your comments and what I could improve on etc.! **

**Also, I'd like to ask...should I refer to each of the characters by their names I have given from now on? I thought it might be annoying for you to read/me to write 'RED Medic does this' or 'BLU Sniper does that' all the time. Let me know! **

**Also...this is supposed to be set in 2Fort. I have no idea what possessed me the last time to write Well... XD**

**Anyway...enjoy Chapter 2!**

* * *

Sniper and Engineer quickly made their way out of the room where they had all met for their meeting and out onto the rooftops once again. The other mercenaries stirred into action, taking their respective positions on the battlefield.

The RED Engineer quickly got to work on the sentry – whose life was slowly being sapped away – and RED Sniper was on the lookout for any intruders on the scene. The Engineer grumbled as his wrench kept clanging off his sentry and nothing seemed to be improving on fixing his construction. "This just ain't right!" He grumbled again, trying to get a closer look at the device planted on the RED sentry. "I don't understand…sappers like these don't get more advanced than this."

"What ya saying then, Dell?" Sniper glanced down at the Engineer, raising an eyebrow. "You can't fix it?"

"Course I can!" Engineer protested, whacking at his construction vigorously. "I'm Dell Conagher for God's sake! The Engineering business has been running in ma family for centuries, and I ain't gonna be the one to end the business now!" He finished, still working away at his sentry and eventually whacking away the sapper off his sentry. But there was no comment from his companion and an uneasy silence surrounded them both. "…ya listenin', Eugene?"

"Course, mate." The Sniper replied, too indulged in his rifle targeting than paying attention to the rather frustrated Engineer.

"Ya better be…"

The RED looked over to the Engineer, eyeing him up and down as he was distracted by his fixation of trying to, well, fix everything in his contraption. He soon lowered his rifle and walked slowly towards the Engineer, who was still preoccupied. Soon, the Sniper soon dropped his rifle and slowly reached for his back pocket, all the while murmuring to his companion, "I'll make this quick for ya, mate."

On the frontlines, a somewhat cautious and war-mad RED Pyro had already managed to sneak into the base despite his compulsion of setting everything that moved on fire. Pyro knew what would happen. Flames would douse the BLUs and their very own base. The Pyro thought it might have been a nice touch instead of the colour blue on the walls. Red was the colour of their team, their blood and most importantly their enemies' blood. It would only be fair to give them a little RED makeover…

Pyro passed one corner and yet another one, looking for something BLU, anything that was BLU the RED would set alight. Although, the Pyro stopped for a moment, wondering where all the BLUs were. Well, they were out fighting the REDs of course, their natural enemies. But as the RED member was looking around at some control panels he could easily burn, a familiar hissing sound was heard. But it wasn't the Pyro who was causing the hissing that everyone had become well adjusted to.

As the RED Pyro glanced around, to the RED member's surprise and astonishment, another tightly fitted and wide lensed gas mask was seen in the eyes of the RED Pyro's.

The two Pyros exchanged glances and glanced at each other for a moment, trying to take in what they were seeing. It was as they were two parts of a whole – or at least, it seemed that way. But that thought was interrupted by RED Scout's girly squeals and the constant whacking metallic noise.

"PYROO!" The boy screeched, jumping onto his RED companion as flew around the corner. "RUN, RUN, RUN!"

Just as the RED Pyro was about to enquire on the boy's screeches, some similar shouts were heard and the hissing sound got louder. When the REDs looked to see what the source of this hissing was, they saw the female BLU Scout sitting on what also seemed to be a BLU Pyro's shoulders quickly coming towards them. Fire soon spurred from the enemy's flamethrower – which fascinated the RED Pyro immediately. Although, with a metallic whack on the head, RED Scout and RED Pyro were soon quickly making their way out of the base with the BLU members manically laughing after them, the BLU Pyro still spurring fire their way.

"Hurry it up, men! We don't got all day for this!" The RED Soldier shouted, leading the remaining mercenaries – Medic, Heavy and Demoman - quickly along the corridor. The RED Spy was following them but had soon disappeared once again, leaving a trail of smoke from whence he came.

As RED Heavy's footsteps thumped and made every little wooden panel creak along the corridor, he turned his head to the REDs' faithful Medic and asked, "Vhat happens now? Do we really fight vomen now?"

"I'm not quite sure, Misha," The German replied, keeping by Heavy's side and looking out for Soldier and Demoman in case they were to come face-to-face with any danger. "Either vay, zhey cannot take our intelligence. Vomen or not, Heavy, ze intelligence must be protected."

"Medic! Ya better come take a lookey at this!" A gruff and slightly drunk Scottish accent sounded, causing the Medic and his larger companion to hurry onto the scene. When the four mercenaries were found crowded on the rooftops, they found themselves staring grimly at the same thing. They found the limp body of the Engineer among the strewn parts of his own sentry with a sleek silver knife plunged into his back. The four men just couldn't believe their eyes. No one had ever been able to get past their Engineer and now this had happened?

"Engineer…is…" RED Heavy almost shook at the very sight. Fear was never easily seen in this man's eyes – but now, one could see it written all over his expression.

"Hellacious harlots! Fanatical floozies!" RED Soldier's rage exploded as he viciously reached for his rocket launcher that was perched safely on his back. Just as Medic was about to calm him, he shouted, "Come on, Tavish, we got business to settle with these ladies!" And as quick as a flying bullet, Soldier launched himself into the air with Demoman shooting his own bombs at his feet just propel himself after him like a dog to his master. The Medic just sighed as he watched the two run along, weapons a-blazing.

"Iz just us now, right?" RED Heavy looked down to the sighing Medic like a confused child seeking explanation from their parent or mature family member.

Medic nodded and replied, "Ve just have to continue on our own vay. Now, go!" With an exchange of nods, the partners quickly headed off onto the battlefields.

Peeking out from one of the windows of the REDs base was the Sniper, watching as the four mercenaries quickly made their way across to the BLUs base. A grin appeared on his face and a puff of smoke later revealed the BLU Spy that was spoken about earlier. She stared further into the base, a dark blue, fourteen inch slimline cigarette holder held securely between her right middle finger and ring finger. "Zis will be easier than I thought." The BLU Spy giggled, soon slowly striding into the REDs base, and straight onto the not so locked down intel room.

* * *

Things over at the BLU base seemed rather tranquil despite a full on war just being newly declared. A BLU Engineer happily hummed along to herself as she finished up whacking away at one of her newly built contraptions – a sentry gun. She put her hands on her hips, nodding proudly at her finished work. "Pur-fection!" The BLU Engineer laughed, slapping the sentry with her metallic hand. "Dem REDs'll never know what hit 'em!"

Just as the BLU Engineer boasted and chuckled about her success, unbeknownst to her, a RED Spy was slowly sneaking up behind her, ready to make a quick stab and a quick dismantle to her new creation. This would show the BLUs how a RED works, even if after a few days of lazing about put them off working as efficiently as they do other working days.

But that dream of the Spy's was soon shattered as a bullet cracked through his skull and sent him flying backwards onto his back.

The BLU Engineer heard the thump behind her and glanced at the now limp body of the RED Spy. She stared for a bit longer. "Huh. Didn't see that comin'."

"Of course, you didn't, mate. Ya never do." An audacious Aussie voice commented behind the Engineer, slapping her hand on the hard hatted head. "What did I tell ya about always lookin' behind ya?"

The BLU Engineer adjusted her hard hat onto her small brunette head as she mumbled to the wavy blonde-haired Australian, "Yeah, yeah, I know, Judith."

The BLU Sniper just chuckled as she reloaded her rifle, a stray bullet falling out and landing with a ping onto the blue wooden floor below their feet. "Trust me to keep an Engineer on her feet, eh, Alexis?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, Judith." The Engineer repeated herself, rubbing her nose with her left and more human hand, unlike the metallic hand on her right.

"Ah, call me…Judi. Quite like that variation if I do say so meself." The BLU Sniper chuckled.

"Alrighty then, if you insist!" The BLU Engineer nodded and smiled at the Sniper cheerfully. "Now, back to shootin' some tootin' heads off!"

"God, I love this job…" The Sniper murmured happily to herself as she walked away from the Engineer who had gone straight back to work on other contraptions.

Meanwhile, the RED Soldier and the RED Demoman had somehow managed to sneak into the base despite their loud battle cries that had sang revenge. The two just seemed to laugh at what was in front of them – a blue briefcase full to the brim with many papers. This was what they needed to bring the BLUs down.

But instead of grabbing it and running to their base for protection, the two REDs just laughed and boasted about their 'victory' to each other.

"I knew those women couldn't handle our superiority!" The RED Soldier laughed, playfully punching his comrade on the shoulder.

"Aye, of course! I mean, they won't even come out and fight us!" Demoman laughed, taking a swig of the contents from a brown, glass bottle marked 'XXX' on the front of it. He soon wiped his lips with his right arm and started stumbling towards the intelligence. "Now…we should be gettin' this to our base, Johnny-boy! No use sittin' doin' nothin' around here!" As the Demoman went to pick up the briefcase, a beeping sound began to fill the empty silence in the room. He paused, wondering where the beeping had been coming from.

"Hey, what's that racket?" RED Soldier asked in a tone of worry, looking around him for the source of the sound. But the Demoman just kept very still, not seeming to move from his frozen position. The Soldier just shook his head and sighed, adjusting his helmet as he continued looking for this beeping sound. Eventually, his eyes caught a flashing blue object just sticking out from under the desk in which the intelligence sat on. And that's when they both realised but had no time to react.

Soon, the desk – along with the RED Demoman - was propelled up into the air upon impact of a rather immense explosion. The RED Soldier had been knocked back up against the wall as debris of the desk and a few other things hit his helmet. A few dust winds and flames later, the Soldier managed to regain most of his vision and found his Scottish comrade in pieces. His arms and legs had been strewn across the floor, his body had been smashed through the window and his head landed right in the Soldier's arms. Upon seeing this head, the RED quickly chucked it away from him, disgusted. But he soon realised that another one of his friends had been brutally murdered, and quite quickly too.

The RED Soldier clenched his fist and growled through pristine, clean white teeth. He promised he wouldn't let this happen again, and already he failed his team. He knew it was never acceptable for a natural born leader to let such a thing happen! Just as he began to balance himself onto his feet with his rocket launcher, two women had appeared in the intel room. One woman in the background erupted with laughter as she poked at one of the RED Demoman's strewn body parts, shouting drunken slurs at it. The woman had similar accent to his comrades – hailing from the land of Scots – who wore a traditional kilt and sported a black eye patch over her right eye. Most of the woman's black hair was wrapped rather untidily as pigtail buns with another traditional 'tam-o-shanter' hat hanging off her head.

But that wasn't what surprised the RED Soldier. In front of him, he found a strapping young lady – well, not particularly young between you and I – in the same boots and uniform that he himself wore, except this was a BLU uniform. Instead of a steel sounding helmet, the woman wore a black army beret.

"Now, you listen to me, pussy," The woman sounded off loudly, poking the RED Soldier's chest with a rather dirty shovel. "_You _are not in your big balls of a man's world. _You _are in _my world. _And you're not welcome in my world! Understood, soldier?!" She shouted into the RED Soldier's face, who slowly nodded in understanding. "Good, now, if God had wanted you to live, he wouldn't have created _me_!"

* * *

"MEDIC!"

"I'm coming, Misha-"

"MEDDIICC!"

"SHUT UP, VILL YOU?!"

The RED Heavy looked at his Medic with a frown as if he were a naughty puppy scolded by his owner. The look on Heavy's face just caused the Medic to sigh and shake his head, and signalled him to move forward into the base. From what the two had heard with all the racket, most of the REDs had managed to penetrate the defences of the BLUs and advance through into the fort. Now it was up to the RED Heavy and RED Medic to hold the BLUs back.

"All ve need to do ist to grab their intelligence und it vill all…"

"…be over soon, ja?"

The RED Medic paused and stopped in his tracks with a quickly confused RED Heavy looking behind him. He looked lost without his Medic directing him where to go.

He then decided to enquire, "Vhat is problem?" But soon enough, RED Heavy glanced around to where the RED Medic was gawking at and quickly had his question answered.

Right in front of them was a women who seemed to have a lot of experience with heavy weapons judging by her demeanour and another woman who looked rather experienced in the art of medicine. And science. And painful torture and death.

What the REDs found incredibly scary was the fact that these women were like them in every sort of sense. Their posture, the look of experience about them – hell, one could even say that they looked similar to them. And another scary fact was the BLUs seemed to notice this as well.

There was an eerie and uneasy silence between the two pairs of mercenaries as they just stood there, staring at each other and trying to make sense of all this. But the silence was quickly broken by the sound of the woman with the huge gun. She had turned her head towards the Medic, almost asking permission like a child would from an adult. "I shoot gun now?"

The BLU Medic didn't so much as look at the woman, her gaze still kept firmly on the RED members standing in front of them. Then she opened her mouth to let a few words pour out but it resulted in light breathing. "…or…" The woman quickly took out what seemed to be a crossbow filled with different syringes of different and unique substances. Sooner than you knew it, at least two of the syringes found within the weapon had travelled a short distance into the RED mercenaries' neck.

Effects began to quickly dawn on them. A feeling of fatigue began to numb any and every ounce of energy the mercenaries had left. But what was worse was how their blood boiled and caused them to stay awake during this ordeal and how every bone in their bodies began to add to their aching and suffering. Time seemed to go by slowly, so slowly they didn't realise they had been knocked down onto their backs.

"Aw…did zat sting?" A distinct German accent echoed through both of the REDs' heads as their vision began to blur and their body aches continued. The owner of the voice stood over the RED Medic, eyeing him up and down again once more. Although the RED's vision was growing progressively blurry and his hearing growing faint, he could recognise the sharp, distinct sound of a blade being drawn. That sound soon echoed again as it was shoved through his chest. The Medic would have screamed out in pain if he could but his voice couldn't carry out this relief.

"…**saw-ry**." The voice chuckled darkly as the owner of the voice shoved the saw further down into the RED Medic's chest with her foot, soon causing the death of the man who was proven not to be as uncaring as this woman seemed to be.

"Ha! You made good joke, Medic!" The other woman wheezed with laughter, slamming her foot onto the RED Heavy as she tittered some more to herself.

The BLU Medic just sighed, pushing small circular lenses up the bridge of her nose. "Vay to ruin the atmosphere…but ve'll vork on that." Just as she finished her sighing – with her loud, heavy weapons expert partner still laughing – the BLU Spy and Scout soon came running up to the two, carrying a red briefcase full to the brim with papers and documents of all sorts.

"Hey, Rosey, looky what we got!" The Scout grinned proudly at their achievement, even if she wasn't the one to go and fetch the intelligence herself.

"So I see, Donna," The Medic replied, walking up to the Spy and the Scout but not without slapping the BLU Heavy across the head along the way in an effort to silence her never ending laughter.

The Spy happily handed over the briefcase, commenting, "Zhey didn't expect a thing. Too easy,_ à mon avis._"

The German took the weight off her hands and inspected it, all the while murmuring, "Of course. Anything could put those men off." She smiled a little to herself, clutching the briefcase in her arms. "Now then, ve should gather up ze rest of ze ladies. They'll vant to see this here, ja?"

* * *

**Ah...such a beautiful ending xP**


	3. 3 - The Recovery

**This is a fairly short chapter, more so looking briefly at the identities/backgrounds of some characters and the - you guessed it by the chapter - recovery/victory/loss of each time. Not so exciting really. But read it anyway, it'll help in future. :D Anyway, I do not own TF2 or its characters so enjoy!**

* * *

"OW! Doc, quit it, this really hurts, ya know!"

"Ze healing is not as revarding as the hurting, Desmond." Freidrich sighed after slapping the Scout's broken arm into a sling for him. "Make sure you leave zat for a few hours und then it should get besser."

"Can't you use your thingy mabobber mabooper to fix me up?" Desmond groaned in pain as Freidrich fiddled with his arm a little more, trying to get it in the most comfortable and safest position possible. His question just caused the Medic to laugh. "Well?"

"Nein, for ze moment you all need less of zese zilly medicines and drugs," Freidrich chuckled some more, eventually stepping back to let Desmond stand up and to try and work on his own with his arm. "Natural healing for all of you!"

"Oh…well…thanks anyway, Doc." Desmond nodded to the Medic, giving a real genuine grin to him. "I know you care for each of us anyway."

"…it's mein job. Now go, I've got ze others to look at." Freidrich turned away from him to a desk full of all sorts of medical contraptions and papers. On the lamp that sat on the table, a familiar white-winged friend watched the Medic from above, often cooing as Freidrich worked through the things on his desk.

"Be seein' ya." Desmond shouted back to him as he made his way out of the Medic's room, walking out into the waiting room where he seen some of his other comrades sitting. The atmosphere in the room wasn't a good one as grim glances were often exchanged from one face to another and some fights had already kicked off.

"You are the sorriest excuses for soldiers I have ever seen!" The Soldier bellowed, slamming his fist on the coffee table cluttered with papers and magazines surrounding a wilted, set of orchids in the middle.

"Eh? Yer head was blown to smi-smithereens, John! Or does ya bloody brain not recall that?" Tavish shouted back to him even though he was sitting right beside him. On his lap sat his head whilst his arms managed to drip some substance of alcohol into his mouth – although that hadn't worked out well since he was already drunk enough.

"That's rich coming from you, ya drunk-"

"Pyro! You're next!"

"Mm?" The Pyro looked up from a lighter and burning papers of an old magazine that just so happened to come from the 'crappy coffee table' as it was dubbed by good old Desmond. The RED soon stood up and dumped the burning magazine onto the coffee table which soon began to go up in smoke and flames. The member couldn't care less anyway as the Pyro sauntered into Medic's room.

"The mush-mouthed freak must set everything on fire…" Valentin muttered grumpily, sitting with arms folded as he stared at the ever increasing fire in front of him. He glanced over at Eugene and raised an eyebrow at what he was doing. "Eugene? What on earth are you doing that in here for?"

"Just leave me to me business, mate, we've all 'ad a hard day." The Sniper replied, appearing to be urinating in one of his famous jars in one of the left corners of the waiting room.

"At least put that to use afterwards and put out the fire the monstrosity created."

"You leave Pyro alone! He is credit to team!" Misha boomed with a mouth full of cheese, lettuce and a little bit of bread, defending the RED Pyromaniac.

"Well, the thing certainly made an amazing burning spree," John commented and just as Heavy was about to join in with his apparent praises, he added, "Oh, yes, that was _by the other fuckin' fire fighter_!"

Although, the shouting and insults could be heard plainly through the worn plastered walls and into Medic's room where Freidrich was treating and looking over the victim of the abuse. "Ach, don't listen to zhem. Zhey need to let off steam because zhey don't like getting zheir asses handed to zhem by women." He tried to reassure his patient, who just stopped him there.

"They need a scapegoat sometimes – I'm used to it now." The Pyro muttered back, avoiding Freidrich's piercing glare.

"Don't blame yourzelf for zis," Freidrich told his comrade sternly. "It's not all your fault. Each of us didn't expect vhat vas coming." He stood up straight, folding his arms as he looked over his comrade yet again. "Zhose burns should heal…vhat about the other ones? Do zhey still hurt as much?"

"Those…no, not as much." The RED replied, softly placing a few gloved fingers over old burn scars, some more serious and disfiguring than others. "They won't go away, though. They'll stay there forever with the rest of the scars I have."

"Unfortunately…zhat seems like the case." Freidrich frowned slightly, not being able to help but feel compassion for his comrade and his rather good friend. "…vell, you know what to keep zhem from getting inflamed and red like that again."

"I do," The Pyro nodded, pulling the uniform that covered the RED's mysterious identity with the help of Freidrich. "You've taught me well."

Freidrich just chuckled, handing over the familiar Pyro mask. "Of course…now, promise me something, you silly old girl."

The Pyro looked up to Freidrich, waiting for his answer. "What?"

"Take it easy, Chiet, und don't let ze others get you down," Freidrich ordered, slapping a firm hand onto her right shoulder. "Ze doktor's orders." He grinned which just caused Chiet to laugh a little before securing her gas mask on her face once again.

"Thanks again, Freidrich." She saluted to him as she made her way to the door. "And you take it easy – don't be at this whole doctor thing all night." She strictly ordered him this time before exiting with her lighter in hand, playing with it until a flame flickered alight.

* * *

"And then I ka'blammed 'im up to the ceiling! Tha look on 'is face was priceless!"

"You better believe it, ladies! And then I gave that soldier a right talking to and showed exactly…"

"Do they ever shut their rat traps?"

"I can't think of a time they do, mate. Snep, I win."

"Dangit, Sheila!" Alexis immediately stood up, slapping the rest of her cards on the box that the two ladies sat at. "That's the third time you beat me!"

"Yes, yes it is," Judith grabbed a beer bottle from Alexis' side of the box, placing the bottle to her lips as the alcoholic substance trickled down her throat. She soon took it away from her mouth, looking at the labelled bottle. "Ah…so that's what victory tastes like. Also, you're mistaking me for my kanga, Sheila – identical we are." She laughed, passing the bottle back over to Alexis.

"I know you're cheatin'…or you've got drunk's luck." Alexis muttered, sitting down again at the box and gathering up the cards in a deck once again.

"Oi, I am not drunk! I have alcoholic influence in me system, but I'm not as drunk as Fiona over there."

"I'm drunk – _you _don't have an excuse!" Fiona slurred, downing more of bottle of alcohol down her system.

The comment – and quite frankly, the scent – was met with disgust by Fanette, the Spy of the group, as she flicked through files and fumbled through sets of papers. "I am starting to think you are all as stupid as these men are." She grunted with even more disgust, dumping one file on top of another one on the desk she sat upon.

"Hey, that's insulting, you French-"

"Ugh, don't even start on the atrocious insults, Jane." Fanette sighed, rubbing her forehead. "And aren't you supposed to be helping me with all of this?"

"…we're taking it in turns, of course." Jane murmured, pulling her beret down over her eyes to avoid contact with the woman whilst the other woman tried to avoid any sort of contact with the woman as well.

"Aye…tha's what we're doin'…" Fiona slurred yet again only with a little more of an understanding tone to it…sort of.

"Whatever. But don't blame me if you get in trouble for it." Fanette muttered, placing her cigarette in her mouth after lighting it.

"Ah, dry your eyes, Fanette," Donna entered the room, smacking her baseball up against the wall with her bat. "Rosey's in too good a mood to be cuttin' off anyone's bones."

"Really, now?" Fiona raised an eyebrow at Donna, leaning forward so she could hear clearly what sort of gossip she could get herself into. "And how d'you know that?"

"Pyro told me so."

"Huh," Fiona leaned back in her chair again, pondering over her answer for a moment. "Aye…that could be true. The thing's always sneakin' around, getting into other people's business."

"Well, that…whatever it is, is good for it," Donna grinned, plopping herself onto the desk. "Knows how to light up the REDs, I'm tellin' ya. We chased them all the way down under their fort and down to intel!"

"Oh, here we go again…" Judith muttered, snatching Alexis' beer bottle away from her again, starting to chug some of the contents down her throat again.

"Mm mmphh!"

Suddenly, before Judith could even glance around her to the source of the noise, a grey feathered eagle owl swished over her head, taking her hat along with itself and started flying around the room. "Oi! Give me ma bloody hat back!" She jumped up into action, climbing over the box – and almost over Alexis who seemed to slow to react to anything.

The room came alive.

The BLU Pyro and Judith were trying to surround the bird which was rather difficult considering he flew right above their heads. Meanwhile, Donna had gotten her bat and baseball out and tried aiming at the poor thing whilst Fanette took cover, screeching something about her hair as she dived under the desk.

"Damn bird always causes trouble!" Jane said gruffly, getting onto Fiona's shoulders and waving her arms up in the air as if that was going to help anything. "Listen here, birdy! You're no patriotic eagle of freedom! Now-!" She was interrupted as Donna's baseball whacked her face, causing her to lose her balance on Fiona's shoulders. She soon fell backwards, lying back on the ground with a thud and a mighty groan afterwards.

Donna looked on with a pained expression, and felt herself shrivelling up. "Ooh, that's gonna hurt in the mornin'! Sorry, Jane!"

"Oh, that tears it now!" Alexis growled, getting out her shotgun and loading it. "This damn owl's gotta be taught a lesson right here!" She soon cocked her gun towards the owl which seemed to perch himself on one of the ceiling beams with Judith's hat clutched in his talons. The owl stared at each of them, his neck swirling from one mercenary to the next. "Alright, you betta-"

"Euclid, come, now!"

The owl's neck suddenly rotated and fixed his eyes on a rather angry BLU Medic standing in the doorway, her arm outstretched and waiting for the owl to swoop down. The owl did just that, dropping Judith's hat on her head and settling onto the Medic's arms, his neck turning in all sorts of places once again as his eyes fixed on one mercenary to the next.

"Aw, Doc, you were lucky this time!" Donna grinned, catching her baseball which Jane grumpily threw back over to her. "Alexis nearly shot the damn bird down."

"Owl, Donna," The Medic corrected her, stroking Euclid's feathers ruffled neatly on her head. "A Eurasian Eagle Owl with a name, to be precise. Not a bird."

"Does he 'ave to be comin' in and botherin' us?" Fiona heaved a sigh, slumping back into her chair again and looking up the now empty bottle of alcohol.

"Euclid is as much credit to team as the rest of you babies!" The BLU Heavy suddenly erupted behind the BLU Medic, causing most of them to jump in surprise at the booming voice.

Fanette soon peaked out from under the desk and saw the whole team had gathered in the intel room, and soon gathered up a few pages and a RED briefcase, dumping them on the desk. "Alright, Rosemarie, most of zis is information on ze mercenaries as expected. Maybe even a bit more than we expected really…"

Rosemarie stared at the pages and the briefcase for a moment before walking over to the desk with Euclid climbing up to her shoulder.

The Heavy began marching slowly into the intel room and past Pyro who seemed to be amused by a lighter in a gloved hand.

Donna, of course, was the first to call out on her. "Hey, yo, Katya, you scared dem pretty bad, eh? High five!" She held her arm straight up, her hand with all her fingers pointed straight to the sky ready for the gesture. But Katya just slammed her paws against Donna's puny ones which knocked Donna off the desk she had perched herself on due to the force of the Heavy.

Rosemarie had been busy skimming through most of the pages when everyone gathered round the desk, all finally contributing to looking over the pages that were locked inside the briefcase.

"So, is it useful?" Jane asked, peeking over the Medic's shoulder, who just started chuckling darkly in reply. "…I'll take that as a yes."

"Wait, hold up," Alexis grabbed a file dubbed 'The Engineer' in huge RED cap locked letters and opened it, glancing at the very first page in the file. It had Dell's photo, personal details and much more. "Well, would ya look at that? Dell Conagher's the Engineer working for them REDs!"

"You know 'im?" Judith asked and she got an instant sharp nod back from the BLU Engineer.

"Of course I darn tootin' know him; he's my cousin!"

"A-wha…?" Fiona held onto the left corner of the desk as she attempted to get herself standing, still slightly intoxicated and unbalanced due to it.

"What a coincidence…" Fanette murmured in a dull tone, flicking some of her hair away from her face.

"It iz actually – I thought Dell Conagher vould have gone onto bigger things." Rosemarie commented, arms folded as she stared at Alexis.

"I thought the same, Rosey," Alexis mumbled grumpily, slamming the file down onto desk. "The damn motherhugger hasn't spoken to me for years after he got to be the big Engi of the family. Big fight over it too for awhile." She sadly murmured, scratching the tip of her nose with her metallic hand.

"Well, you can bloody well teach 'im a lesson!" Fiona banged her fist off the table before sliding down onto the floor, a soon concerned Katya lifting the Scot back up onto her feet once again. She started pointing her finger at Alexis, stuttering and trying to get her words out, "...show the…show the _twat _who's tha boss!"

"We do that once babies come looking for precious briefcase." Katya heavily breathed, inhaling quite a lot of air through her nostrils. "I can smell zhe victory already."

"That would be fresh paint," Judith corrected her, sniffing at the air again, hoping her sniffing abilities hadn't failed her.

"Speaking of paint…Pyro did a very nice job of the walls, ja?" Rosemarie commented, smiling at the newly painted walls around them. All the BLU Pyro could do in reply was lift gloved hands to the gas mask that sealed the member's identity, giggling with glee at the comment.

"Couldn't've done it better myself!" Donna grinned, putting her bat behind her head as she too smiled at the Pyro's work around them.

"It's debatable…but somebody had to do it." Fanette muttered, looking at her nails in a rather bored manner.

"…enough of ze talk about paint." Rosemarie suddenly ordered with every mercenary turning to her and stretching their ears, listening to her. "Ve can't zimply laze around forever. Ze var has not yet been von."

"Of course! And by God, I'll win this war whether it kills me!" Jane bellowed, slapping a hand on Donna's back which edged her forward quite a bit, nearly knocking her slim body onto the floor again.

"Zat isn't possible – respawn remember."

"Oh, well, what I meant was-"

"We give little men run for money." Katya decided to intervene for Jane instead, who was obviously getting nowhere with her speech. "We crush them, yes?"

The BLU Pyro gave a thumbs up to Katya, indicating that indeed, that was the way forward for the team.

"So, what's the next step closer in crushing them then?" Judith asked, pulling down her black tinted sunglasses as she looked at each of the mercenaries.

"We need to find out their next step," Fanette replied in a confident and quick manner, standing up in front of the team. "And that, would be my job. Hit them whilst they are at their weakest."

"Aye, good idea…" Fiona murmured, rubbing her nose as she squinted at Fanette. "…wait, what're we doin' again?"

"I think somebody needs to take a good earned rest," Alexis chuckled, motioning to a quite confused Fiona who was stumbling to the chair behind the desk.

"Zhen zat is our plan," Rosemarie smiled, lifting the RED briefcase full of the papers. "Donna vill go with you – just in case something happens."

Fanette groaned after taking another puff of her cigarette. "Her? I don't need a _girl_ helping me with something that requires _stealth _and _quietness_." Just as Donna had turned to fight with her on the matter, Fanette puffed some of the smoke she had inhaled into her face, causing her to start waving bandaged hands frantically in her face.

"I don't care how you do it – just get ze job done!" Rosemarie snapped, rolling her eyes as she walked out of the room with the REDs' briefcase tightly in hand and Euclid still tightly perched on her shoulder.

"…she really in a good mood?" Donna turned and asked the BLU Pyro who just shrugged a pair of shoulders.

"…she wasn't that bad, honest."

"Regardless of whatever mood she is in, we each have work to do," Fanette grumbled, a few ashes from her cigarette falling to the floor. "You all know what to do. Donna, with me." She ordered, sauntering her way out of the intel room with an excited Donna following her close behind.

The others soon began pouring out of the intel room, either cheering like Alexis had because she got to practise some of her guitar, or groaning like Fiona because she barely got any sleep in the intel chair, heading to their respective positions in the base or on the battlefield once again. Although, the BLU Pyro had stayed behind for a moment, looking at their own intelligence on the desk – the BLUs intelligence. The BLU looked through the briefcase, until coming across a file titled 'The Pyro' in blue capital letters. The BLU Pyro looked inside, finding the pages inside to be blank. Just to make sure this wasn't a dream, the gas mask had come off just to get a bit of a better look at the pages. But it felt much the same, seeing as the BLU's eyesight had been fading with permanent burns over the years.

"I vouldn't worry, Hien, your secret's alvays been safe with me, and it alvays will be."

The BLU Pyro jumped a little in surprise, looking around at the archway to find Rosemarie leaning up against it with Euclid nowhere to be seen. Even this secret was kept from the owl, not that it could let anyone else know the Pyro's true identity. "I know…I just like to make sure…I wouldn't want the others to think I was...betraying their trust."

"…I know. I've got it covered up, for now anyvay." Rosemarie replied, soon standing up straight as she folded her arms tighter around the REDs' briefcase and looked straight at Hien, who seemed to make little eye contact with her. "I know zis doesn't alvays help…but do try not to vorry about it. Zhey love you all ze same."

Hien still kept silent and still refused to make eye contact with Rosemarie. He had done it for so long that he didn't realise that Rosemarie had left and he was left alone in the intel room, alone with the mask that hid all his secrets, all of his past and all of what he was.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed! Please R&R if you did!**


End file.
